Mind your own business.
I’ve written about this several times so, as a topic, it may be a bit tired. I continue to post about it because I’m utterly amazed at the incredible rudeness of some people:
It happened three times this week.
The first time was in reference to our house which, incidentally, we are no longer trying to sell. We had quite a bit of interest, but the one we were going to buy fell through for reasons related to the seller’s situation.
Anyway, a co-worker asked if we had sold our house yet. I told him no and explained why we decided not to pursue it any longer, adding that, since it’s just the two of us, we don’t really need more space, just another bathroom. He responded by saying, “Yeah, but you know what happens when people get out of school.” I knew what he meant but in my annoyance I asked, “No, I don’t. What do you mean?” “They want to start having kids.” I said, “First, it’s none of your fucking business. Second, by ‘they’ you really mean Jennifer and, by reference to her, women in general and I think it’s really small minded of you to think that all women, when they reach a certain point in their life, automatically want to have children.” Okay, I didn’t say that but it’s what I wanted to say.
What I really said was, “You know, it’s not something that we’re really planning on right now. We’ve been married for almost 11 years and we’re doing okay with just the two of us.” He didn’t respond.
The second time was when I was speaking on the phone with someone about business. The person and I were shooting the breeze about the weather before we started talking about the document we were negotiating. Out of the blue, he asked, “So, are you and your wife planning on children anytime soon?” Many questions ran through my mind: Why did you phrase it that way? How do you know I don’t have children? I’m sorry, do I know you? Do you know me? Are we in any way friends? Obviously not, we just started talking for the first time about 2 minutes ago. I just said, “No.”
I’ve dealt with this crap so long that it doesn’t normally bother me. However, the third time made me uncomfortable because of the circumstances. Almost unbelievably, it happened during a meeting with about 25 people in the room. As it was winding down, one person in the meeting started apologizing for being a few minutes late. She said that she would have been on time but had to drop her kids off at day care or do something else, related to her kids, about which I had no interest. Whatever it was she was doing, it’s not an adequate excuse in my mind. You get paid to be at work for a certain number of hours. If you can’t drop your kids off until whenever, then you need to take less pay or find a different job. I happen to know this person rather well and know that she uses her children as an excuse fairly often. Regardless, she went on to jokingly say that kids screw everything up.
One of the other women in the meeting said, “Don’t say things like that in front of David, he’ll never have kids.” As she said it, she looked at me as if to imply that I’m obviously an incomplete person and my journey in life will not be complete without children. I’m not sure why but I somehow felt the need to justify why we don’t have kids. I’ve never felt that before. It was perplexing. I quickly decided that I owed no explanation to anyone in that room and didn’t say a word. I just silently thought, “You road whore.”
Honestly people, just give it a rest.
The other thing, about which I don’t think I’ve written before, is I am partly amazed because of the implications of questions about children. In the U.S., sex is a taboo subject. With few exceptions, no one in casual conversation would presume to ask about someone’s sex life. So, then, why do some people think it’s okay to ask if a person is planning on having children. Folks, the stork doesn’t deliver children.
I think I’ve rambled long enough…
No Exit 
Good Lord, what a week! I’m amazed at people’s audacity. I can sometimes understand when it’s family members joking around with you…but my mother knows not to mess with me about it anymore. I can just give her the look if the topic of babies comes up and she turns away and says nothing. I want to have kids, I really do, but now’s not the time. So I don’t understand why people think if they constantly bring it up, that it’s going to make some sort of difference…like change my mind and all of a sudden make me financial stable enough to bring a child into the world when we can barely afford our rent. That would be stupid. You want me to move in with you, Mom? Okay, I’ll get pregnant but you’ll have to take care of me…in all actuality, my mom is not that bad, so I don’t understand why other people have to be when they don’t even know me or you or whomever they’re asking when the stork is going to deliver at your doorstep. Give it a rest, people…
The thing that perplexes me is that people don’t realize they are being rude by asking. If you tried to correct them, they would perceive YOU as rude. It’s so messed up.
I know you’ve covered this before on this topic, but what if you were a couple who had been trying for awhile to have children and were infertile? Like Jennie said, it’s so rude to ask someone that question…
Wow. I am really amazed by the last one. I do think it is rude and really know of anyone’s business. Jason and I have been lucky (maybe b/c we have only been married for 3 years). We haven’t really heard that much yet. A few co-workers/friends have asked me when we might start having kids but that doesn’t bother me that much. If I had random people asking me about it, I would be pretty irritated. Jason’s mom hints around about it but in a funny way that it always make me laugh. Sorry you have to deal with it so much. You must really come in contact with some brash people.
so when are you two going to have kids?
if you can stand the smell, i hear that lindsay lohan is a hot commodity right now and with all of her tomfoolery as of late, she might be looking for a place to stay.
I’ve said it before, also, about making them feel guilty by suggesting you ARE infertile. But then again, I am mean spirited.
Secondly, I too, agree with the statement of children and being late for something. Not an excuse. And I go through that up here all the time, I’ve even been told “you don’t have kids, so you don’t understand”. My response: You pay her to do a job like you pay me. You want me here at xyz time, she needs to be here too.”
Again, I work for the same company that sent a flower arrangement to a co-worker whose cat died. But won’t call a lady that worked up here for over 30 years that they just “love and miss to pieces.”
Sorry…I digress…
I am so glad that someone else feels exactly the way my husband and I feel. We are perfectly fine as a family of 2 people. I don’t need children to complete my life. Most people that have children to complete their life are missing something else in the first place…children can not fill that sort of void. Man I’m pumped on this subject and it really all out pisses me off when someone ask me constantly when we are going to have kids. Its no ones business and I have a right to be angry towards co-workers that are continually using their kids as an excuse to be late, miss work, or otherwise. There is no excuse! *URGH!!!*
I really have serious issues with this subject..
my word, i am so sorry. this is BEYOND ridiculous!! i cannot believe the constant crap that comes your way re: this subject. unreal.
when i was reading your first “response,” i almost yelled and cheered out loud–“ALL RIGHT!! you GO!!!” but then i of course read that’s only what you wanted to say. still, i am always amazed at your grace-filled responses. i couldn’t do it, that’s for sure.
i now have hank in my head. 🙂
There are so many people out there who’ve asked me the same sort of questions. One of them was even so rude to say to me (when I said I didn’t plan on having any kids ever) that I was being selfish – implying that it is not done to spend your life on you instead of your kids. I just replied that I thought it incredibly selfish to have kids only because society demands it of you, or because you don’t want to be alone when you get older.
Or there are others who keep insisting that “the clock will start ticking” anytime soon. They usually shut up when I tell them my age.
Be glad you’re not here. 🙂
If you don’t get pregnant within the first six months of marriage, your in-laws try taking you to the doctor to see what is wrong with you. And it’s always the spouse’s problem … not their child’s.
Some American friends here have been here about six months now. They’ve been married a little over two years, and this is the subject they have struggled with the most. Everyone just asks straight up, “What’s wrong with you?”
Yikes!
I DO have kids, and they ask me why I don’t have more…it’s never good enough!