A few, mostly fashion-related, things that are irritating me lately

Guys’ pants that are too short

It’s bad enough on women, but downright terrible on men. Guys please take note: There should be a break (a slight fold) near the top of your shoes caused by the bottom of your pants falling on your shoes. Under no circumstances, whether you are walking or standing still, should anyone see your socks if you are on your feet.

Cloaks

As compared to a jacket, coat, or vest, they are a bad idea. They simply make the person wearing them look like they are wearing a tent. Humanity has had the ability to easily make sleeves for a long time. If you are inclined to wear a cloak, please take advantage of our modern technology and slide your arm into a sleeve of something.

People who refuse to do things they don’t want to do

I’m specifically referring to this as it applies to doing something with a loved one or friend just because the other person wants to do it, even if you would rather be someplace else. Just about every day of my life, I have to do something (like going to work or paying bills) that I don’t want to do. It’s called being an adult. People, you don’t get a pass for your personal relationships; all successful relationships that I know of involve some compromise.

Circle earrings

I’m not talking about hoops that hang from the ear. I’m talking about the kind that are circles in the earlobe itself. Unless you happen to be an indigenous tribal leader, stretching your earlobe is never a good idea.

Tattoos

Specifically, I saw a young man last weekend with a huge star on his forearm. Underneath the star, equally huge, was the text, “Zero.” In 1994, I had a T-shirt with that exact logo. I thought it was cool too, but I didn’t permanently affix it to my body.

Movies I’ve Seen Recently

Catch and Release – A total cliché of a romantic comedy. That said and if you like that sort of thing, it’s as good as any other movie of this genre. I especially enjoyed the performances of Jennifer Garner and Kevin Smith. The only real complaint I have is that Juliette Lewis was miscast in a supposedly sexy girlfriend role. I like Lewis, but she is not sexy.

The Queen – I first became a fan of Stephen Frears when High Fidelity was released a few years ago. As much as any other director working today, he has a keen storytelling ability which he uses to direct films that, in a lesser talented director’s hands, would otherwise bore. Such is the case with The Queen. When I initially read that The Queen is about the English royal family’s reaction to Princess Diana’s death, I wanted to stay as far away from it as possible. I have never understood why people reacted so strongly to Diana, and I certainly did not care to see a movie about her. When I learned that Frears directed it, though, I changed my mind.

While the film treats Diana with respect, it doesn’t focus directly on her. It emphasizes how Diana’s death impacted the royal family, and to a lesser extent Tony Blair’s government, when Queen Elizabeth reacted in the standard, reserved English manner. Frears manages to place the events within the context of history. By watching it, I gained a great deal of respect for both Queen Elizabeth and Diana’s role in the royal family. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Smoking Aces – Sometimes, there is nothing better than going to an entertaining action flick and disappearing for a couple of hours into the world created on screen. Unfortunately, Smoking Aces is not entertaining. Skip it.

Pan’s Labyrinth – This is a great story about how a little girl deals with the aftermath of the Spanish civil war, the death of her father, and a ridiculously cruel step-father. While it is a fairy tale, it is also a decidedly adult story. After watching the movie, Jennifer’s comment was something like, “I expected more pinks and greens. Even the fairies were scary.” While I had a similar reaction, I also think the movie, in a highly entertaining and original way, excellently describes how one little girl reacts to the horrors in her life. Be warned, the movie is in Spanish with English subtitles and has some very graphic scenes showing Spanish rebels being tortured for information.

Thanks Kenny

Earlier this month, Stephanie wrote a post about the role that movies played in her Southern childhood. I enjoyed her post which, if you would like to read it, can be found here. When I read it, I decided to write something similar. While not as expansive of my entire childhood as Stephanie’s post is of hers, this is what I came up with:

While I was growing up, I felt that Berryville is a just a place on Highway 62 between Harrison and Eureka Springs where a congregation of people happen to live. The only thing I wanted from the town was to see it growing smaller in my rear view mirror. Now that I’m older and a little wiser, I realize that some people live in Berryville by choice, and that such a choice has some pastoral advantages. I would never choose it willingly for myself, but there are some things that I miss about the town. Chief among them is the Main Theater.

I used to think that naming it the Main Theater was a stupid idea. It is located in Berryville. It’s not only the sole theater in Berryville, it’s the sole theater in Carroll County. I like the name now, though. I like that, given it’s address and it’s theater supremacy in Berryville, the word main has a double meaning. I also like to hope that Kenny, the theater’s owner, had his tongue at least partially in his cheek when he decided on the name. Like almost everyone who has lived in Berryville for a few years, I know Kenny personally. But I don’t know him well and would not feel comfortable asking him how he chose the name for his business.

If you’ve ever driven through Berryville, inevitably on your way to someplace else, you have passed the Main. It is located a few hundred feet east of the Berryville square in a small commercial building that fronts on, you guessed it, Main Street. The theater is in the middle of the building, and is designated by a big sign, painted red and outlined with lightbulbs, that simply reads, “Main.” Under the red sign, there is white board sign with interchangeable letters that says what movie is playing on the theater’s only screen. The sign doesn’t state the times the movie is playing because each movie plays every week at 7:00 on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night.

On both sides of the white sign, there are two permanent frames with glass coverings where Kenny hangs movie posters for coming attractions. Each frame simply reads, “Coming Soon.” As far as I know, Kenny doesn’t announce which movies will be playing next until he hangs new letters on the white board, usually on Monday morning, with the name of the movie that will play the following weekend. Even now, when Jennifer and I visit my parents, one of us will, without additional designation, often simply ask, “What’s playing this weekend?”

Upon stepping through the outside doors into the theater, you enter into a small foyer. On the right side of the foyer, there is a tall counter where an attendant takes money – folding cash only please – for admission. After paying admission, each person walks through a set of double doors into the concession area. The doors are spring loaded to shut after each person walks through. As a child, the double doors were one of my favorite parts of going to a movie at the Main. I was always reminded of the Looney Tunes episode Deputy Duck and felt as if I were walking through swinging doors into a bar.

The concession area is like those found in most theaters: a simple glass counter displays candy. Junior mints were always my favorite. Curiously, I don’t recall buying them at any other theater. Behind the counter to the left is a large popcorn popper. If you want popcorn at the Main, you better like butter. To the right, just past another cash register, is a soft drink dispenser.

On both sides of the counter, the concession area slopes up to doors that open into the screening room. Like the entrance from the foyer into the concession area, the doors are spring loaded but there is only one door on each side. The spring loaded doors into the screening room are especially nice because, when someone gets up to use the restroom or get a refill of Coke, the door immediately shuts to keeps out as much light as possible.

Otherwise, the screening room is an anti-climax. The screen itself, although large in comparison to smaller screens I’ve seen in traditional, multi-screen theaters, is small compared to those in stadium theaters. The size of the screen would be surmountable if, on the right side of the screen about one-third of the way between the bottom and top of the screen, it didn’t have a huge patch. I’ve often wondered to myself what happened to necessitate a patch, but have never made additional inquiries. The seats are covered in faux leather and are truly uncomfortable. In a few places, the stuffing even pokes through the edges. The floor under the seats is sticky from decades of candy being ground into the exposed cement. Before the previews play, Kenny shows slides made from snapshots that were literally taken decades ago. I know this because at least one of the slides features a cousin of mine taken when she was a high school cheerleader in the 1970s. Practically everyone in Berryville has seen the pictures hundreds of times. For a while, I even knew which picture was next in the progression. For an action picture or a boisterous comedy, the sound is acceptable. While watching movies with quiet dialogue, the sound is sometimes muffled or fuzzy.

Growing up, I always overlooked those inadequacies because, when the house lights went down, the projector started rolling, and Harrison Ford fired his pistol to kill Greedo, I was in love. I didn’t love Harrison Ford, or even Han Solo; I loved the experience. I barely remember seeing Stars Wars Episode IV: A New Hope at the theater – I was only 5 – but I distinctly remember Solo killing Greedo. It’s one of my first memories. Other than it made a huge impression and that I have been a fan of the moviegoing experience since, I’m not sure what that says about me.

Regardless, I’m glad Kenny opened the Main. For operating it as long as he has and for being a huge part of why I love of movies, I want to extend my sincerest thanks to him. Also, on a more personal note, I want to extend my thanks to him for showing Leonard Part 6 in 1988. If you are not familiar with the movie, it stars Bill Cosby as a former CIA agent who is brought out of retirement to save the world. It is an awful movie. But it’s memorable for me because I attended a showing of it with Kenny’s daughter during which she bestowed my first kiss upon me.

Frilled Shark?

When I get the opportunity, being near the ocean is one of my great joys in life. I love everything about the ocean, even the mysteries that sometimes scare me enough to keep me from even dipping a toe in the ocean. Every time I think about those mysteries, I am reminded of Sting’s song The Wild, Wild Sea. In it, he, as well as anyone else, metaphorically describes how mankind is drawn to the ocean yet fears the unknowable aspects of it.

When we don’t have Sting or other artists around to remind us of the strange life in the ocean, marine biologists often offer real world examples. Today, for example, I read an article about how a Japanese marine park captured rare live footage of the frilled shark. I had never heard of the frilled shark at all so I did a little research. It seems that the frilled shark looks like a large eel. I found that, in itself, highly disturbing because Moray eels are, when I think about them, one of the creatures that make me want to avoid the water entirely. The live footage of the frilled shark is newsworthy because they live in depths ranging from 400 to 4200 feet and humans usually only see them dead. I take some comfort in that.

If you are interested in further reading, SeaPics.com has a nice, brief summary article here. The pictures alone are worth checking out. The thing is seriously scary.

Couch Resolution

I realize that the couch stories are becoming a bit self indulgent. That said and following my prior posts which can been read here and here, I think I owe it to Dillard’s to tell the end of the story.

10 days ago, the Dillard’s repair people returned our couch. When they put it back in our living room, it looked great. Jennifer and I had several errands to run that day and didn’t sit on the couch until that evening when we watched a couple of movies we had rented. Sometime while watching the movies, I got up to get some water and, when I returned, I noticed that the couch was still not quite right.

I happened to be sitting on the broken end while we watched the movies and it clearly had supported my weight. But when I looked at it, water glass in hand, I saw that it was visibly sagging. I later measured it and found that it sags nearly two inches as compared to the other end. In addition to the sag, a decorative/supportive metal piece on the front of the couch has visibly separated from the frame. I’m not sure what the repair man did, but Jennifer and I agreed that it isn’t fixed to our satisfaction. I told her that I would try to get it taken care of the following Monday. Given my previous experiences, I dreaded starting a new process.

I was pleasantly surprised. I first called the central repair office. The person that answered my call there was very nice and told me to call the local Dillard’s furniture manager. She told me that his name is Donnie and that he would need to authorize an exchange.

Donnie and I played phone tag for a few days. When I finally did reach him, however, he was very helpful. It turns out that our couch has been discontinued. He told us to come in to Dillard’s and pick out a new one. We couldn’t find a black one in a style that we liked and that we found comfortable. We settled on a chocolate brown one that was on sale for less than we paid for our couch. We were concerned that the brown would not match the black chair we bought as a set with our broken couch. After discussing the situation for a few minutes with Steve, who was helping us pick out a couch while Donnie attended to other matters, we agreed to also buy the matching chair, provided the excess we had paid for our couch would be deducted from the cost of the chair. Steve said he would have to talk to Donnie, but in the end they agreed.

It was a good solution. Our chair isn’t broken, but it did match the broken couch. Dillard’s isn’t out the entire cost of the chair (with furniture mark ups being what they are, my guess is that the amount we’re paying at least covers the cost and they may actually make some money), and we’re happy and would even consider buying additional pieces at Dillard’s. The new couch and chair are supposed to be delivered on Saturday.

Babel

I’ve seen a few movies lately.  At least in brief, I plan to post something about each of them.  Just a second ago, though, I thought about Babel which I saw yesterday.

I am utterly amazed that I’ve seen this boring piece of crap on several critics’ best of ’06 lists and that it is getting Oscar buzz for picture of the year.  Here is a synopsis:  bad stuff happens to several different people and there happens to be tenuous and mostly meaningless connections between them all.  While watching the movie, I looked at my watch two times to see how much longer was left.  Except for one scene that I found totally unbelievable, it’s not terrible just boring.

The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

I don’t love Arkansas’ only statewide daily paper.  It’s what we have, though, so I read it from time to time.  Admittedly, there is not another media outlet that provides as much coverage of University of Arkansas athletics.  In fact, there have been a few times that such coverage has, for any Hog fan, been essential reading.  For instance, I specifically enjoyed the paper’s coverage of the University of Arkansas’ basketball team in the mid 1990s.

While I wouldn’t describe today’s sports page as essential reading, I did quite enjoy the half-page advertisement paid for by the Committee to Save the Hogs that calls for the resignation of both Houston Nutt and Frank Broyles.  It is quite amusing.  If you would like to see the text of the ad, check out the committee’s website.

Sorry to those of you who are not sports fans, I plan to pare the Razorback posts back.

Apology

The Arkansas football debacle has really gotten out of control.  After reading more about the situation and listening to the local radio call in shows (because we all know that the folks who call in always have the correct facts) yesterday, though, I have changed my mind about Malzahn leaving.  Who knows what was said to whom?  But if he was lied to and if Nutt planned on bringing a co-offensive coordinator on staff, I don’t blame Malzahn for telling him to stick it.  So, for being overly harsh yesterday, I apologize now to Gus. 

Regardless, this past season was great and everything has just imploded.  The implosion has made the Arkansas program look foolish beyond belief.  That makes me sad because I fear that recruiting will be irreparably harmed for several years, and certainly as long as Houston Nutt stays at Arkansas.  No matter what was said or promised, I lay the blame for the problems at the feet of Houston Nutt and Frank Broyles.  Broyles has certainly had his moments as an athletic director.  His contributions cannot be discounted.  As for Nutt, it’s time for him to move on.

Au Paris

When I was browsing at Barnes and Noble yesterday, I bought Au Paris, Rachel Spencer’s memoir about what she experienced while working as a nanny for a wealthy Parisian family. I’m sure that many of you who read my blog have beat me to it, but I read about half of the book yesterday. So far, Rachel has certainly succeeded in making me homesick for Paris, my favorite city. I’ve barely met Rachel, but I think it’s great that I happened across a book, sitting on the Paperback Favorites table at Barnes and Noble, written by someone living in Little Rock. Great job Rachel!

To Gus Malzahn (just like I said to Damian Williams)

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Come on, you are leaving for an assistant head coach and co-offensive coordinator position at Tulsa?!? At least Damian Williams had the intelligence to leave Arkansas for Southern Cal. Arkansas is poised to have another great season next year. I gotta believe that, even if Houston Nutt won’t let you call all the plays you want to call, being offensive coordinator at an SEC school is much better for your long term career than an assistant head coach position at Tulsa. I guess it’s your right to make stupid decisions.

Some Friday Thoughts

1. This week, David Bowie turned 60 and Dave Matthews turned 40. I know Bowie hasn’t donned that red wig in years, but it freaks me out that Ziggy Stardust turned 60. It’s equally disturbing that Dave turned 40. No one like Dave, who has provided the soundtrack to as many frat parties as he has, should have to turn 40. You’re forever 39 to me, Dave!

2. Pink Lady is my hands down, all time favorite variety of apple.

3. Jennifer and I waited to buy each other Christmas gifts until after Christmas. I got her a coat from Banana Republic and she got me a satchel, also from Banana Republic. Someone I know who is an interior designer once told me that the clothes from Banana Republic are generic. I told him that, by very definition of being a nationwide chain, their clothes are necessarily generic. I also told him that the stuff is high quality, fits well, and is long lasting so I don’t really care that it is generic. Freaking snob.

4. If you’ve read my blog very much, you know that I can’t end this week without saying that, of all the bad ideas Bush has had, I think he has hit a new low in wanting to increase troop levels in Iraq. Shouldn’t we have increased troop levels at the beginning of the invasion in order to avoid an insurgency entirely? Or, here’s an idea, how about not involving the United States in an unnecessary war based on bad intelligence? I had lunch yesterday with someone who espouses the view that, if we leave Iraq, the extremists will bring the fight to us. This person said that we just can’t kill them all, though. I’m not sure if the intended implication was that we should try, or if it was a recognition that killing people doesn’t really help anything. I hope it was the latter.

5. Finally, I saw a bumper sticker today that read, “At least the war on the environment is going well.”

Hunter by Bjork

I know that I can seemingly be random about how and when I hype various musicians.  Usually, though, the posts result from me hearing a song and being blown away.  It happened a few minutes ago with Bjork.  I’ve had my iPod on shuffle this afternoon while I read some documents.  When Hunter started playing, I was just half listening to the programmed beats that introduce the song.  Then, as only she can, Bjork growled, “If travel is searching…”  I know some people find her voice annoying.  I find it commanding and find myself needing to listen when her music is playing.

I particularly love Hunter because it is an exercise in controlled songwriting.  I love that the melody is driven by strings (violin and cello?) and sounds so organic in contrast to the programmed beats that provide the rhythm of the song.  But I especially like that, just as the music builds to a crescendo, Bjork, seemingly at the top of her lungs, tears loose and sings, “I THOUGHT I COULD ORGANIZE FREEDOM.  HOW SCANDINAVIAN OF ME.”  At that moment, she is not a person singing along with music; she becomes the music. I love it.

Bridge to the Future

Sometimes in the past, when I have taken the time to slow down and truly appreciate daily life, my morning cup of coffee has been a spiritual and almost indescribable experience. On such mornings, the mere smell of coffee has made me feel as if everything about the world is right, almost as if the universe is aligned. I suppose those times are attributable to caffeine addiction and the body’s response to the reintroduction of the drug. I also suppose that all coffee lovers have experienced it in one form or another.

This past Sunday, I had such an experience at Café 42 in the Clinton Presidential Library. Jennifer and I went there for brunch. The café’s brunch is a buffet. It features a range of breakfast options (biscuits and gravy, sausage, bacon, omelets, and waffles), lunch entrees and sides (mashed potatoes, grilled fish, smoked salmon, crab cakes, grilled chicken, a variety of cheeses, grilled vegetables, and breads), and a variety of desserts (red velvet cake, chocolate torts, banana pudding, German chocolate cake, pumpkin pie, apple pie, and a few others). Because of the heavy emphasis on seafood entrees, Jennifer thought it was good but not great. I thought it was wonderful.

The atmosphere was at least partly responsible for my favorable opinion. Café 42 is on the ground floor of the library (which, if you haven’t been or seen it, looks like a mobile home from the freeway but that impression diminishes dramatically the closer you get). The walls of the café’s dining room are painted red and hung on them are black and white photographs of the library taken during various phases of construction. Except for an area of polished stone that extends out from each wall about 4 feet, the floor is hard wood. The tables and chairs are polished aluminum. The textures and colors comprise a room that is warm and modern.

The best feature, however, is the outside wall of the dining room. It is entirely glass. Because the café is on the ground level below the library, the light that floods the room through the wall is diffuse and provides the perfect emphasis for the room’s balance. Also emphasizing the room’s modernity by contrast, is the view of the Rock Island railroad bridge outside the café at a simply photographic angle. I had heard about the purposeful placement of the Clinton Library and it’s related bridge to the future theme. Until I sat in the café and looked out at the bridge, though, I had no idea how well the library’s architect incorporated the theme into the design.

My coffee moment came when, after I had stuffed myself with two plates of food and dessert, I sat looking at the view while I listened to the live jazz duet of sax and guitar. The coffee was good, my belly was full, and I was sitting in a warm room as winter carried on outside. Everything in my world was perfect. Then, as I lifted my cup for another sip, I saw something, almost out of the corner of my eye, move outside. My view was at first obstructed by the sax player. I tried to ignore the movement and look at the bridge. After a few more seconds, I couldn’t ignore the movement any longer and my view became further obstructed by a man walking by outside.

He was clearly homeless. At first, I actually had the audacity to be mad that he had interrupted my picturesque view of the railroad bridge. A few seconds later, I silently asked myself, “Who the hell are you to be mad that a homeless person messed up your little view? Don’t be an asshole.” Regardless, that man reminded me that, no matter how much I was enjoying my coffee, everything isn’t right. Everything is not in its place. To paraphrase something said by the character Danny Archer in the movie Blood Diamond, “When was the last time the world wasn’t going to hell?”

I’m not implying that we ought to deny ourselves small, or even great, pleasures in life. I’m just glad that, sometimes when we forget, God reaches down, smacks us about the head a few times, and reminds us that we are not here solely for ourselves.

Movies

Children of Men

This movie, like all good science fiction, talks about the future to discuss the present. Clive Owen is excellent in the lead, as are Julianne Moore, Michael Caine, and Clare-Hope Ashety in support. While painting a seemingly real but bleak picture of our future, the movie moves swiftly telling the story of how, in spite of universal infertility, a young woman (Ashety) has become pregnant and desperately needs the help of Theo Faron (Owen) to avoid the government and others, who would use her baby for their own purposes, to reach safety. I especially liked the small, seemingly inconsequential, details – like the literal and iconographic use of Picaso’s Guernica, and the well placed cover of the Rolling Stone’s song Ruby Tuesday – that illustrated the character’s nostalgia for a more innocent past and thereby emphasized their dire present situation.

Come Early Morning

With her writing and directorial debut, I believe that Joey Lauren Adams managed to capture life in a southern town without stooping to the cloying cliches normally used by film-makers. Along the way, she also made a pretty good movie, and was able to draw some actual acting out of Ashley Judd. The movie was filmed near Little Rock, but, other than a few dialogue references to places and establishments which people familiar with the area will recognize, it could have taken place in any smallish town in the south.

Blood Diamond

If you’ve heard that this movie is posing as an action movie but is really a historical drama teaching slanted political and moral lessons, then you’ve heard correctly. It probably helps that I agree with the political and moral lessons, but I firmly believe that it manages to be everything that critics have called it while also being an incredibly enjoyable movie. In my opinion, any work of art that makes a me think while I’m being entertained is worthy of my time. Besides, it features three of the finest actors working today: Leo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connolly, and Djimon Hounsou. Each of them became their characters during the movie.

FedEx Ads

I truly appreciate a good advertisement.  Today, a co-worker sent me a link to some of the recent FedEx Ads.  I don’t really like the ones focused on FedEx Racing, but I think the others are clever.  If you are like me, you’ve probably seen most of them.  If you are interested, though, you can see the ads here.  Map is still my favorite.

The SKU Number Boogie (Couch Update)

If you don’t know about our broken couch and you are interested, you may want to check out this post.

We never found the warranty information, but I was able to remember the brand. One day last week, I visited the company’s website and found that it has a ten year frame warranty. The website said a claim must be made through the retailer from which the furniture was purchased. That made me a little sad because we bought it at Dillard’s. I expected them to be of little help. I was not disappointed.

I called Dillard’s repair center and was told that, in order to schedule an appointment, I needed the SKU number from the receipt. I told the lady that I didn’t have a receipt. She asked if I had purchased it with a Dillard’s credit card. I told her that, in order to take advantage of 12 months interest free financing, I had indeed. She instructed me to call Dillard’s credit. They, she assured me, would be able to provide the SKU number.

I called Dillard’s credit. After continuing to hit zero through numerous menus until I was connected to a representative, I was told that I was not an authorized user on the account. I had forgotten that the account is in Jennifer’s name. The representative told me to, “Please have Mrs. Lynch call back and request the information.” As Jennifer deplores dealing with issues like this, I quickly thought about the online account access that I had used to pay the bill before we paid the balance. I asked the representative if I could get the information I was requesting through the online account access. She told me that of course I could.

After several different attempts at remembering my Dillard’s online username and password, I finally accessed the account. It turned out that the online account information was only a few months old; it didn’t go back nearly far enough to capture the original transaction which is where I expected to find the SKU number. While I was online, however, I did add my name to a very exclusive list of authorized users on Jennifer’s account.

Thinking that I had beaten the system, I again called Dillard’s credit. After again hitting zero through numerous menus until I was connected to a representative, I explained how our couch had broken, that I needed the SKU number so the repair center could schedule an appointment, and asked if she would please help me out. She said, “Yes, you are an authorized user. Let me see…I’m sorry Mr. Lynch but I can’t release that information to you.” I was incredulous. Trying to maintain my composure, I asked, “Why?” She replied that an authorized user is authorized to make charges on the account, but is not permitted to receive information about the account. I didn’t bother to ask why the prior representative had not shared that jewel of knowledge with me; I just hung up.

I called Jennifer and explained to her all the hoops I had jumped through without obtaining a SKU number. She said that she would call Dillard’s credit and get it. A few minutes later, she called me back and reported that, because the transaction is more than two years old, the SKU number is no longer retrievable through Dillard’s credit. Without expecting an answer, I asked her why the original representative had not just told me that so I didn’t spend a good portion of the morning speaking to representatives and trying to remember passwords. She sympathetically pondered the question and added that the representative suggested that we review our records and find the original credit card statement showing the transaction. It was, to me, a novel idea.

When I went home for lunch that day, I climbed into the attic where we keep copies of old bills. After looking for 30 or so minutes, I was able to come up with the suggested statement. Feeling like Moses descending Sinai, I climbed down the ladder into the kitchen and showed my prize to Jennifer. There were some numbers printed on the same line of the statement that denoted the couch. I pointed to them and asked Jennifer if she thought that the numbers were the SKU number. She replied that she supposed they were. I hoped so too.

When I got back to work, I called the Dillard’s repair center again. I explained our broken couch to the woman on the other end of the phone. She immediately asked for the SKU number. Proudly, I read her the numbers from the statement. She said, “I don’t know what that number is but it’s not the SKU number.” I asked, “Can we just go ahead and make an appointment?” “Sir, we don’t make appointments here. I simply call the local repair service and they set up the appointment, and we can’t do that without the SKU number.” I asked, “Can we just go ahead and set up an appointment?” She said, “Sir, we don’t make appointments here and we don’t make them without the SKU number. You can probably find the SKU number under one of the couch cushions.”

At that particular moment, I lost all ability to care about the feelings of others, and, just barely below a shout, said, “Listen to me. I am through looking for the damn SKU number. I have called people and looked for the SKU number all morning. I’ve called Dillard’s credit twice and my wife has called them once. We have done everything asked of us. I even spent my lunch hour in my attic looking through old credit card statements. My couch has a ten year warranty and I shouldn’t be required to provide Dillard’s with the SKU number. It’s something you should have on file. I want you to do whatever it is you have to do to get someone to come look at my couch to see if it can be repaired.”

The repairman called the next day. He was very pleasant. I apologized for not providing the SKU number. He said that it wasn’t an issue. When he arrived at our house, I immediately liked him. We talked about various couches and if our particular brand was prone to frame problems. He told me that he sees frame problems with all kinds of couches – cheap and expensive. Because of that, he was reluctant to recommend any particular brand over another. He did say that this was the first problem he had seen with the particular model couch that we had purchased. He said that it would be an easy repair and that he would even reinforce the other side so we don’t experience a similar problem with it. The bad news is that he will have to have it in his shop to make the repair. They are supposed to pick it up this Saturday and will have it approximately a week. While it’s not done yet, I think we’re on the way.

Night at the Museum and The Good Shepherd

In the past few days, I’ve seen both the movies I reference in the title of this post.  They were both okay. 

Night at the Museum had a few extremely funny parts. I particularly enjoyed the scenes with Ricky Gervais and Owen Wilson. Otherwise, it was entertaining but not particularly funny.

The Good Shepherd on the other hand was filled with great performances. I enjoyed everyone in the film, but didn’t particularly enjoy the movie itself. The story moved along at glacial pace. I often enjoy detailed dramas, but this one would have benefited from some action. One thing that I am forced to admit after watching the movie is that Alec Baldwin is a damn fine actor. At one point in my life, I had no use for any of the Baldwin brothers. I’ve seen a number of movies that have slowly changed my mind about Alec, though, and Shepherd has concreted my favorable opinion of him.

Pat Robertson is not Isaiah

Pat Robertson has said some asinine things over the years.  But I think that the dumbest is his statement about a terrorist attack in the U.S. causing a mass killing in 2007.  For CNN.com’s article about his comments, go here.  There is a special punishment awaiting so called men of God who use their position and influence to scare others.