I hate everything about IHOP. The International House of Pancakes? What’s international about it? Certainly not some crappy batter fried in a skillet. They do offer French style crepes; Jennifer has had them a few times. They sort of look like the crepes I’ve had in France, but I suspect that they are shipped to the individual restaurants precooked and merely heated before they are served. They are served slathered with a weird, gelatinous, orange-flavored spread. It resembles petroleum jelly. Gag a maggot.

According to IHOP’s website, there are 1200 IHOPs throughout the U.S. and Canada. If they are trying to sell Canada as International, I am not buying.

I hate the suburban locations and the constantly full parking lot. I hate the strange table/booths that obviously provide flexibility for seating different size parties but make me uncomfortable because someone, not in your party, is always sitting too close. I hate the terrible, terrible, terrible coffee. I hate the waiting area with its row of booths facing one another. Never is there enough room and people inevitably pour into the little foyer. I hate that, while I’m waiting for a table on weekend mornings, someone will inevitably walk into the packed waiting area, ask how long the wait is, and appear shocked at the answer given by the pitiful host or hostess who is making $3.50 and hour. Didn’t they see the parking lot? Didn’t the packed waiting area give them a clue? People, if you haven’t been on a weekend, IHOP is not the choice for a quick meal. If you want fast, go to McDonald’s or Sonic.

For all these reasons, I hate IHOP. But the foremost reason I hate IHOP is the bad food. Yes, the pancakes are eatable. Who can’t make pancakes? Fried bread is good, no matter what form it takes. Besides, slather just about anything with butter and syrup and people will eat it. What else do they offer? NOTHING.

Jennifer and I went yesterday. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood for fried food so I thought I would try the fresh fruit and yogurt platter with a side of oatmeal. The yogurt came with a strawberry flavored, jelly-like substance mixed in it. I thought, “Why does everything have to be sweetened with a sticky substance at this place?” The oatmeal was pasty. I tried adding some milk but it was beyond help. The fresh fruit was the worst part. It wasn’t fresh. I’m not even certain it was fruit.

I’m not going back, at least not for a long time.


23 responses to “IHOP

  1. however, unlimited beaver-blend coffee for less than two bucks is a blessing worthy of psalm type exclamations.

  2. My favorite part of this post was that you said “Gag a maggot.”

    I haven’t been to IHOP in a while – J and I went to Waffle House with J’s parents Sunday night (because it was the only thing open by their hotel), but I thought it was FABULOUS. I had forgotten how much I used to love to go during college.

  3. I feel your hurt. Jason and I were really trying to make an effort to get up on Sunday mornings and go to breakfast for awhile. We realized that there aren’t two many breakfast places in this town…Cracker Barrel and IHOP. We pretty much would alternate them. IHOP is not my favorite by any means but Jason always gets the chicken sandwich and fries no matter of it is 8am or 8pm so he is content. The hashbrowns are no Waffle House hashbrowns that is for sure!
    So I raise my glass to you and your declaration of indepence from the HOP. Please let me know if you find another breakfast establishment.

  4. I hate IHOP too
    There’s always satellite cafe on kavanugh and university.

  5. Jennifer and I used to go to Satellite almost every weekend. We had a bad experience once that, next time I see you, I’ll tell you about if you want to hear it. Then we switched to the Living Room and loved it. We went there for about a year, sometimes both Saturday and Sunday morning. Then they closed it.

    Not sure where we’re going to try next, I hear Bosco’s has a pretty good brunch. A couple of the nicer hotels have brunch too, I think.

    I’m not usually exceedingly picky about restaurants but I’ve just had a spate of bad breakfast experiences.

  6. I am totaly a manager at a horrible IHOP so I can totally clear up any wonder:

    the crepes are actually our “egg batter” which I am not sure what comes in it… its mailedin a bag from US Foods and it is this strange yellow colour and is the same shit we use for our omelettes (only we add some squirts of pancake batter to it first) and for our scrambled eggs and french toast batter *i dont eat anything that has that stuff on or in it*… but yea, to make the crepes it is just poured out into 8″ rounds on the grill for a few seconds and then put in the cooler for when they are needed… the shelf life is 24 hours…

    But the fruit and yogurt platter on the IHOP for Me menu actaully is the Yoplate yogert that is sent by US Foods, so yea… and the fruit is usually pretty gross because it is all pre cut and stored for 48 hours… yea, ick…

    I love the people I work with at my IHOP so thats why I stay, but in all honnesty… our franchise is owned by terrorists, and the company sucks… I was told that i need to stay quiet about the fact that i am Jewish or i could be fired (Iranian franchisees)… yea… also each ticket is 1-2 cents over what is supposed to be, i have a feeling IHOP is funding all terrorist activity.

    So yea, any more questions feel free to ask I am willing to spill my guts.

  7. What happened to SOP?? no not the SOB but SOP!!!!

  8. if u don’t like it then y r u going dummys

  9. i mean u put dis much energy into this ,but u still go.I think it’s ok .yall must use 2 work there and got fired.yall need a life.

  10. You guys definitely aren’t the ‘majority’ and a whole lot more people love IHOP than dislike it. (of course – otherwise why would there be so many making good money across america). It sounds like it may be isolated to those stores. I myself have been to stores that aren’t run and managed well, so I know there can be a huge difference in food quality between those restaurants and the restaurants I go to.

    However, the majority of stores I go to are very good. I’ve a friend whose a franchisee and I’ve been in the back and seen their kitchen (clean) and ingredients (fresh). Nobody can beat their pancakes when they’re made correctly.

    Who really cares the word ‘international’ is in the name? Someone who would care sure does do a little of pitiful complaining I’m sure. I’ve actually read about the founders choosing the name simply b/c the name they were wanting was already taken so they added that – probably thinking – nobody cares about the name – just the food. Lets talk about Schlotzsky’s name while we’re at it – such a horrible name for a sandwich place I don’t get it….

  11. I enjoyed reading this because I just got a job at I-hop. I am supposed to be there this morning, instead, I am spending some quality time with my cat Mizz Tasha. IHOP stands for I Hate Ornery People-I hate office politics. International Hemorhoid operation patrol.
    It seems that the people who make you hustle the most leave the crappiest tips and the messiest tables. I am astounded by how the waitresses maintain their patience and make the job look effortless when they are busting their asses off. The most professional person I have ever encountered in my retail pharmacy restaurant career is Jeannie. She is nice to everybody and makes every ones dining experience unique and she does it over and over again. This lady is a class act.
    She gets her food orders the fastest because she doesn’t picksnap at the cooks like some of waitresses. The head waitress Shelley, on the other hand, is mean to some of the staff, and I have observed that she gets her orders a little slower. She scheduled me for 6 days in a row. This is day six and I was supposed to be there 45 minutes ago. My cat may be grumpy at times but she is more pleasant to be around, and she’ll just scratch me if she gets pissed off. Also, my hands have first degree burns on them from the chemical that we have to put the rags in dimethyl benzyl ammonium chloride.

  12. i think i-hop food and service is great breakfast anytime is great the people care including the managers their standards are set high that is why the use a secret shopper program to make sure everything is running properly

  13. kareena ortiz

    omgggg . iam a workr at ihop n man oh mann alot of effort goess into this placee . iam so amazed at how far ppl will go to blogging abt stupid topics . haa keep it up guyss( =

  14. I am pretty upset about some of the things that I have read on here about Ihop. While guest feed back is very important, some of these things are just so untrue! Yes, Ihops ARE busy because we have amazing food, and amazing service. I am also a (General) Manager for Ihop. I work for a great franchisee, and we keep our stores CLEAN and only provide outstanding food, and service in a CLEAN environment. Those three things are VERY important for a restaurant. I would like to comment to the “manager” of a “terrible” Ihop as she stated. You work for the wrong people obviously! The “yellow” stuff is called pasteurized eggs. It is liquid egg, (yes, real eggs) pasteurized to cut down majorly on the risks of Salmonella. We CARE about our guests very much, and that is why we use it 🙂 I do not believe for one minute that it is IHOP itself that is bad…it is bad management running these Ihops! Please do not judge all Ihops by these comments, because I can assure ALL of you that my Ihop, and the other stores owned by my franchisee are NOTHING like this. I would like to apologize though on behalf of us Ihop employees that actually care about our jobs, and the success of our restaurants. I promise, we are not all like this. If you are ever in Mt. Pleasant Michigan, come check us out, we would love to have you!!!!

  15. I am completely amazed at the passion you have put into hating something as a simple as a restaurant. I can only imagine how would you handel a serious issue in your life. I do hope it’s less dramatic. Honestly it’s quite simple what should be done here and really it is that simple. I’m actually quite surprised at the fact that you haven’t figure it out yet. If you passionately hate Ihop that much, then stop going. I’m sooooo glad at the fact that I could help clear that part of your life for you. Now you can continue in peace. Oh, and future reference, maybe you should learn how to cook and just stay home the next you feel like eating some breakfast food. I personly LOVE Ihop and can’t say one bad thing about.

  16. Hey, Simple, quit with the lurking and condescension. You know nothing about me and even less about how I handle anything in my life. Not that I owe anyone, least of all you, an explanation, but hell yes I’m passionate about food. Especially when I pay my hard earned for shit. BTW, I still hate IHOP.

  17. Wow, where is the anonymous manager? Seeing that a bunch of stores got raided I would like to hear more!!

  18. Hello, anonymous manager. Did you happen to manage an IHOP in Ohio or Indiana?

  19. I can’t help but laugh when I read these posts about people that hate IHOP but keep going over and over again just to come home and write something nasty on here. Its a Fing breakfast franchisee lol, There are people who enjoy and people who dont and go else where for there pancakes but then those who cry and expect a franchisee to change for them lol

  20. Pedge Crawford

    Dude, funny rant!
    Funnier for me, because I’ve worked as a server for 25 years. The last 7 being at IHOP:)
    Let me assure you of 2 things,the crepes are made in house, not cooked someplace else and heated up. And, they are Amaizingly Delicious!!! The orange “Crap” on the crepes you complain about is simply orange marmalade. Who doesn’t like orange marmalade?
    Secondly, IHOP pancakes are to DIE for! Period. End of discussion.
    Having said that, I don’t want you to get me wrong! Besides the pancakes and crepes, most everything else is crap made someplace else and heated here. The hashbrowns are dehydratded. Disgusting!!!
    Isn’t it funny how busy ihops stay despite having 4 or 5 menu items (Out of literally dozens of choices) that are worth eating??? Don’t even get me started on the oatmeal, fruit or yogurt!!!!!
    And, we’re expensive!
    Funny rant though:)

  21. I work at this hell hole.

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